Hi friend o/
It has been a while. I wanted to tell the story of myself. I think you’d enjoy it and I mean you deserve to know. I hope that one day I could see a letter just like mine. It would be interesting to see your handwriting and hear your story.
So my story, just like every story starts with birth. I was born on winter, I guess you already know that…
I guess I could say I had a lovely childhood but despite that I still was an unhappy child. I mean my parents saw me always happy and cheerful but inside I’ve always been unhappy. I know that I’ve been sad all my life. Especially sad about my looks. As of today I’ve become happier with myself but it can still mess everything up (I shall get back to it later).
When I was little I enjoyed dancing and I really enjoyed that. Now I want to do it too but I feel too self conscious. I’ve tried taking dancing classes now but I can’t spend 2 hours in a room full of mirrors… It would just upset me and make me wanna cry. The reason why I stopped dancing was that people started bullying me and at 5 or so years old it changes a lot. As of today I’m just scared to do it and I don’t have any support so I’m not ready to take the huge step.
So basically all through my kindergarten years I was bullied. It was horrible. I hated it and when I hear my classmates talk that they want to go back there then I just shiver there and don’t think about it. When I went to school the bullying stopped and this is the time when I started to be my own bully.
I was and still am very tough on myself. It gets to extreme measures. I was struggling with self harm but that you know already. I have always been so hard on myself and even though I have been clean for a long while I still think about it as a possible punishment. Mostly it’s about my looks. The fact that right now my family is having hard times isn’t helping much. Sometimes my way of thinking is correct in that sense but then there’s a click and my thought process is wrong… it’s just so wrong.
Sometimes I get scared thinking about it all but today I wanted to tell it to you. Don’t worry this isn’t one of my depressed letters. This is just my attempt of telling you as much as I can. I hope you don’t mind listening me. If you have any questions you can always write. I need to talk to someone from time to time anyways.
I hope I can hear from you soon enough.